"
infected youth
grow spokesmen of gray
she loved him so
and he left
he said he wished her to die
and she cried
closer, still
to whatever may come of heartbreak
then she found her self self sea sick
lost in an ocean
without her pharmacy fisherman
and she found it was too hard
to stand up on her own
she wished she could die
never mind
the growing weight
in what she can't stomach
left in the womb all alone
she lost that baby on her own
she just laid still
left in the womb all alone
she lost that baby on her own
she became still
after that she never felt right
she just laid still
still
never told anyone about the child
she just stayed still
still
she told me
and I cried,
still
and I died,
I died a small bit
I died
and now I think about it all the time
would it be better
would it be nicer
than me
I hope that I'm not right
I can't face that kind of life
shadowed by someone never alive
but how could she love me
after her heart was broken in two
how could she be proud
after her heart was taken from her
I wonder about my sibling
if a heaven has a
place
for
her
but god you work so strangely
you take smiles so quickly
so quietly
a blade can cut so quickly
but my legs won't die so quietly
i don't want to keep going
I've got to keep going
if not for my mother,
then for the one we've lost
still,
a better world
a nicer world
how can I redeem myself
for my
failure
I'll never know her
she was never here
I am failing
to live on
for myself
I'm sorry
I love you
I'm sorry
I didn't
say it enough
you could've asked
why I am alive
why am
I
alive
"
— J.D.
