CURLY:-
I happened to know
The Director of Airship Development:
Big Boss of the Royal Airship Works
And head of the Government team,
Reg Colmore had been my C.O.
For a month or so in the War,
Kindly sort of cove
And a demon at the paperwork,
Very much your Admin, Headquarters type.
Only trouble was he hated flying
And you worry about chaps like that.
Managed to get him alone one night
When he was in the club,
Asked him
What were the chances of a flying job.
He said he'd be happy to put in a word.
Said how well it was all going,
But I wonder now
What he was really thinking...
COLMORE:-
Damn this ballyhoo forcing our hand;
Too much Government prestige on this,
Too many Whitehall publicity hounds
Shouting it up too much and too early.
Now we have to build them
A smoking room,
Damn fool idea on a hydrogen ship,
But it's already been
Announced in the Press
So can we drop it? Can we hell!
Damn this stupid competition
Splitting our people into rival teams.
Scarcely enough experienced men
To build one ship this big, let alone two...
I need Barnes Wallis on my side;
I need more muscle
On my Design Committee.
My chaps are all sound engineers,
But sometimes I wonder...
This has to be the right way, though,
Design by consensus, the team approach,
Committee, sub-committee
And working party,
Doing things the modern way.
Must be better than a one-man band:
One man's brilliance,
One man's cock-ups.
If only Thomson was off my back;
God save us from airship enthusiasts!
Wildly over-optimistic,
No idea of the problems involved,
Thinks he makes us get results
With his patent mixture of pep-talks
And veiled threats...
And then of course we have to work
Within design requirements
Laid down by some all-wise,
Expert Whitehall working party.
I only hope that
They all know what they're doing...
CHAIRMAN:-
His Majesty's Government
Don't want a repetition
Of the ZR II debacle.
The new specifications
Must be drawn up with that fact in mind.
Safety First, Gentlemen, must be the rule.
Now the boffins say
The new ships should be
Two-and-a-half times stronger
Than the last one was.
But what, Gentlemen,
Is this Committee's view?
SENIOR COMMITTEEMAN:-
Why not make it three times stronger?
Let's be on the safe side.
CHAIRMAN:-
Why leave it there?
Let's have it four times stronger,
Then we're really in the clear.
JUNIOR COMMITTEEMAN:-
But I say, Mr Chairman,
Won't that make them rather heavy?
CHAIRMAN:-
That's not our problem.
That's not our concern.
I'll take that as carried, then...
CURLY:-
That little nonsense meant
Both ships were crippled
Before they were born.
They'd each have to lift
Around thirty-five tons
Of additional, pointless metalwork.
A genius engineer might get away with it,
Time would tell.
Of course we knew nothing of this
At the time,
But one thing was announced
Even I thought was very bizarre...
CHAIRMAN:-
Now about these airships' engine-things,
My chauffeur informs me
That petrol is inflammable;
So surely it's unsuitable
For use in India's sweltering heat.
ANCIENT COMMITTEEMAN:-
How very true. I was out in '84,
And I can tell you it's so hot there
That motor-cars would certainly explode.
That's why they still use camels, you know...
CHAIRMAN:-
Thank you, Sir George.
Well now I'm quite convinced:
Petroleum may not be used
As airship fuel in the tropics!
JUNIOR COMMITTEEMAN:-
But what are the alternatives?
CHAIRMAN:-
That's scarcely our affair.
They're bound to dream up something;
After all, that's what we pay them for...
