I wish I could draw or paint
I wish there was a way for me to express what I'm trying to say
So indescribable that my words stifle to find their own meaning and attempt to fit into these molds
Like square pegs
The way I see your face contort
Misshapen by misunderstanding
Inexplicable and undeniable
I'm not like you
I thought I was but I've realised slowly a creeping suspicion of you and I making me doubt my preconceptions
When I sit and look out over the ocean I don't see the waves crashing I don't see the deep blue fear anymore
What I see is a warm home, a safe home
Like I've never had, like I've never seen before
I want you to remember that everyone has scars
Some you can see and some you can't
I have both, we have both
We can't let that stop us, we won't let that stop us
I'm not perfect, none of us are
We all have scars
If I have to spend one more day questioning, wondering what I'm doing here and what the plan is
I think I'll go crazier than the voices in my head tell me I am
If there was any sense to be made from those vague ramblings and questions of whether or not someone like you exists then I'd like to know
Because it's not like my life means less without you
It's more like my life means nothing without you
And I'm more worried about whether I'll ever find you than whether I'll wake up tomorrow
I think it's all a lie
Anything I find myself writing late at night should be both immature and badly thought out
It's as if something deliberately forged my own thought process in order to parody my inability to form coherent thought and sentences
I thought you'd be able to understand that, but evidently, not
It's clear to me that my attraction to you is stronger than I once thought
My ability to rule you from my mind and my ability to forget you are gone
Evidently, gone
It's through this however that I'm able to understand something much more important about myself, and indeed about you:
I'm not like you
