I'm still down at the ocean sometimes
wondering were you went
And what you where, it's safe to say,
there was something more about you, pulling me up
I can't put my finger on, but I want you to know
I kept a piece of my heart for myself
in a place where it is, like they say
Dark but not black
I know it was not you who told me to do what i did
but I just thought you wanted to know
The look on your face when i cut it out
is the only one i can clearly recall
Blurred, the least to say, is all the rest
for this to shall pass, as the world floats away
forgive me if I got something wrong
I'm in a different place now.
Things here didn't work out the way i wish they had
but least this time I know its my own fault
and that helps
Since I know where to start
what to change, what to beat into the ground
I still repeat the same words given to me so long ago
but they're becoming washed out, worn and faded, void of their original meaning
soon they're bled dry
them to, like all else
If only I could to talk to you one last time
I find such trouble in
Trying to recall why I do this
And something tell me you knew
but it brings me back to
The last thing you told me
"I'm not the one to save you"
I suppose you made it clear
I wish everything that held me down
for all this time
to have a opposite, an antimatter
that eventually
will carry me to heaven
that's what I pray for
and that what i prayed for
everyday
But it's been eleven years
and I can't take eleven more
So I'll restart
by digging out the last of my heart
and leaving it here for you
And since I never knew, how to be human
she will be my aid
and I have to be sure
that my loathing was just
the ambivalence of insecurity to commit
but I know now that's how it should be
Lord, I'm so lost
Help me find my way
My prayer is for you,
my loving guide
my beacon
my tree
father, father,
how should I be?
I think I always believed
my dreams where never built to hold
But I know that I
killed them
all on my own
after tonight
