I watched the sun set in your eyes for the last time. I thought you died that night. You called me to tell me you wouldn’t survive. I heard the wind blowing through your hair. I would’ve given anything to be there. I could have sworn that I was. It’s not that I want to die, I just want to disappear. Do you think that I still dream of you or long for the warmth that your body would provide? Winter has never felt like it lasted for so long, but I’ve grown used to the cold, and I know that you see there’s no warmth where you are. So I embrace the parts of myself that I long to change. Is this the face that you were waiting to see? I embrace the parts that I hate because they remind me of when we were nearly the same. Find me where eyes are afraid to meet, where held hands can cripple fingers. That’s how strong our love could be. But I’m still so scared. I am so scared by the things I cannot see. Like the simple idea I don’t keep you up at night with a smile tickling of your mouth. Share my collapse, there’s enough weight here to bury us both. It’s just another dream. It’s just another dream.
