We're the cousins, who ruled over dozens
King George, Tsar Nick and Kaiser Billy
When the century started, we could hardly be parted
But that was long before, the frightful First World War
I'm King George and when young I forged an alliance with these two
Through Queen Vic we were related, together world power she created
I'm Tsar Nicholas with George mischevious, swapped uniforms at posh dos
We looked like twin set, had matching beards
Right royal family, if a little weird
Drove advisors round the bend, so all that friendship had to end
We're relations, crowned by our nations
Great Britain, Russia and Germany
When our governments fell out, peaceful relations put in doubt
Conditions perfect for, the frightful First World War
I'm Kaiser Wilhelm, I kind of felt a bit left out from the rest
They had beards, I only had a moustache
Feared my withered arm gave me less panache
I loved the military, thought at diplomacy, I would be the best
We sent telegrams, hoped to stop the bombs
They weren't worth the paper they were written on
I called England mad March hares
You didn't help avert war there
Now all leaders that all succeed us
Great Britain, Russia, both against me
I was in charge of German troops
But you proved to be hopeless, oops
The commanders they ignored, in the frightful First World War
My family ties embarrassing, our kinship now a hassle
I changed my German surname to Windsor like the castle
Then Russian Revolution came Nick said "Help me mate!"
I couldn't support him, had to leave him to his fate
Execution! oh
And then the war, was no more
We won, we lost, call it a score draw
I was the only one left in charge
I ran away but still at large
And all this frightful war could do, was set up World War Two
Which was us against you
